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Tuesday, September 7, 2010

How to ride a bike in Italy-the female way

Step 1: Shower and dress as though you're going to the office OR to the clubs.
Step 2: Make sure that your dress is quite short
Step 3: Put on stiletto heels
Step 4: Make sure to put on a full face of makeup and all of the jewellery you own, and remember to do your hair, helmets are for the racers and North Americans. You are Italian so therefore you are the best bike rider in the entire world and you will not fall off.
Step 5: Get purse, cigarettes(if you smoke) and cell phone, put in basket of your bike.
Step 6: Maneuver onto bike in short skirt( this is made possible here by a very low bar in the centre, so no lifting of the legs required, you can step through rather daintily.***
Step 7: Pedel very slowly so as not to break a sweat, ringing your little bell every time you see anything that moves.
Step 8: If you see a friend, stop your bicycles right in the middle of the path and chat, and do not move even if people need to get by.
Step 9: If you must, have a cigarette while riding your bicycle, or perhaps do this and also have a conversation on your mobile. You are very talented.
Step 10: Arrive at destination, usually the grocery store, and proceed around store in a fashion show like manner in your stilettos and short skirt. Then load groceries into the basket on your bike and proceed home.
Step 11: Repeat as needed.


***If you have a child, you may strap them into a seat that is fixed to the back or the front of your bike. There is also no need for them to wear a helmet as the person riding the bicycle is Italian and therefore is the greatest bike rider in the entire world, and will not crash.


Ahhhhhhhh Italy.  Gotta love it!!!!!

4 comments:

Karen September 7, 2010 at 12:58 PM  

lmao, love it!

Good luck on the bus!!!

Andrea September 8, 2010 at 3:27 AM  

OMG i laughed so hard! please tell me you are joking!!haha

Sarah September 9, 2010 at 2:14 PM  

I thought, for sure, there would be an accompanying photo to the story. lol.

Does that mean if you have a child straped to the front of your bike instead of a basket they hold your cigarettes and cell phone?!?

Rachel September 10, 2010 at 9:45 AM  

Ahhh there will be Sarah, as soon as I scope out a good paparazzi place to catch them without them finding out and yelling at me!!! Or once I get a really good zoom lens!!!!!
And no Mom, I'm not joking :)

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About Me

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Milan, Italy
I am 34 years old, married to my wonderful husband Richard and mother to a beautiful 8 year old daughter named Reese. We lived in the suburbs of Calgary until January 2010 where I worked as an ER Nurse. Then my husband was transferred to Vancouver for a 6 month temporary project. Our blog Tripping over the Sidewalk told all about our adventure living on the 30th floor of an apartment building in the middle of downtown Vancouver. Then we moved to Milan, Italy for 18 months, Ciao-Eh was the online forum for our Italian adventures. We moved to Abu Dhabi, in the United Arab Emirates in January 2012 and lived there for two and a half years. Sandscrapers, Souks and Sand is the blog of our adventures in the Middle East! We are now happy to be back on a little acreage just outside of Calgary where I'm sure more adventures await!!!!

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